One of the hardest things for me in the early days of parenting was finding other mom friends and dad friends. There was so much overwhelm with the new baby, so little support for going back to work, and so few hours in the day.
Over time, I’ve learned how to build friendship networks and community support, but it’s taken a lot of trial and error. This week, I interviewed Beth Berry all about finding friends and building community.
In this thread (leave a comment!) I’d love to know from you all: how did you build your village of support, if you have one? What support systems to you rely on—from food to babysitting to friends to in-laws to grandparents or co-living arrangements?
What are the best ideas you’ve seen around building a village? Share your ideas below (even your wish list!) so we can generate a thread of ideas for each other.
After interviewing so many people about this, I've been able to collect a lot of ideas about building your village from various sources:
Angela Garbes writes about super-fun kids nights, where you collaborate with a few other families to create a standing weekly or monthly kid playdate at rotating households. One family is in charge each week, the other grown-ups get to go out and have some time to themselves. That way, if you have three families, you get two babysitting sessions for each kid fun night that you host!
Shama Hyder talks about having a super-early morning nanny to help with the mornings so she can actually sleep in -- they come and let themselves in with a special access code and they do all the baby stuff so she can sleep in until 10am or 11am (her preferred schedule is to work super late in the evening until midnight or 2am and then sleep in late in the mornings).
Sarah Peck, the host of the Startup Parent Podcast, shares how when people offer to help, that the default is to say "oh no, it's okay," but actually if you say YES to help, this can be a great way to initiate friendships and longer-term relationships.
Courtney Martin has written about how she lives in a collaborative community, and they have shared meals specific days of the week. Every Friday is a communal meal -- swoon!
Some parents I know also collaborate on rotating dinners, so that you make double the meal and put half of it into leftover containers and swap the leftovers with another family so you have something "new" for the next day and you don't have to do as much daily cooking.
Share what you've learned, built, or tried when it comes to community building on this thread →
We really lucked out in finding our village. We built a house in a pre-planned neighborhood of 18 houses back in 2018. Turns out that lots of people do this when they’re ready to “start” a family. We now collectively have 18 kids 7 and under. A few houses have older kids which is great for babysitting, win-win! The kids all play together, we do egg hunts and trick or treating, have a block party and pool parties, take kid classes together, and random Friday pizza nights. My son is the only only child, so it’s been a huge benefit to us since he doesn’t have cousins or other friends with kids that are close by.
I found out I was pregnant in Feb 2020, so right before Covid became a thing. Even with social distancing so many of us were pregnant and taking walks in the neighborhood and could at least have shouting conversations from across the street. Highly recommend considering a new neighborhood for those who are able, it’s no guarantee but we’ve been so blessed with ours.
Finding a village of people during the pandemic? That was... impossible. We need a separate support group for moms who gave birth in 2020-2022. I don't know if I know what it's like to have babies and toddlers without social distancing and complete isolation.
After interviewing so many people about this, I've been able to collect a lot of ideas about building your village from various sources:
Angela Garbes writes about super-fun kids nights, where you collaborate with a few other families to create a standing weekly or monthly kid playdate at rotating households. One family is in charge each week, the other grown-ups get to go out and have some time to themselves. That way, if you have three families, you get two babysitting sessions for each kid fun night that you host!
Shama Hyder talks about having a super-early morning nanny to help with the mornings so she can actually sleep in -- they come and let themselves in with a special access code and they do all the baby stuff so she can sleep in until 10am or 11am (her preferred schedule is to work super late in the evening until midnight or 2am and then sleep in late in the mornings).
Sarah Peck, the host of the Startup Parent Podcast, shares how when people offer to help, that the default is to say "oh no, it's okay," but actually if you say YES to help, this can be a great way to initiate friendships and longer-term relationships.
Courtney Martin has written about how she lives in a collaborative community, and they have shared meals specific days of the week. Every Friday is a communal meal -- swoon!
Some parents I know also collaborate on rotating dinners, so that you make double the meal and put half of it into leftover containers and swap the leftovers with another family so you have something "new" for the next day and you don't have to do as much daily cooking.
Share what you've learned, built, or tried when it comes to community building on this thread →
We really lucked out in finding our village. We built a house in a pre-planned neighborhood of 18 houses back in 2018. Turns out that lots of people do this when they’re ready to “start” a family. We now collectively have 18 kids 7 and under. A few houses have older kids which is great for babysitting, win-win! The kids all play together, we do egg hunts and trick or treating, have a block party and pool parties, take kid classes together, and random Friday pizza nights. My son is the only only child, so it’s been a huge benefit to us since he doesn’t have cousins or other friends with kids that are close by.
I found out I was pregnant in Feb 2020, so right before Covid became a thing. Even with social distancing so many of us were pregnant and taking walks in the neighborhood and could at least have shouting conversations from across the street. Highly recommend considering a new neighborhood for those who are able, it’s no guarantee but we’ve been so blessed with ours.
Also, local MOMS Clubs are great too!
Finding a village of people during the pandemic? That was... impossible. We need a separate support group for moms who gave birth in 2020-2022. I don't know if I know what it's like to have babies and toddlers without social distancing and complete isolation.