🧶 How has your life, your habits, or your parenting changed since the pandemic started?
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In our last group session I asked people to share where they were when the pandemic started, and what’s changed for them over the last two years. The question was so powerful that I want to bring it here for you all to share:
How have you changed over the last two years?
What have you let go of, done a one-eighty on, dropped entirely, or just don’t even care about anymore?
If you’re a parent, what were your parenting norms and priorities pre-pandemic, and how has it changed in the years since?
For me, I can tell there are mindset ways that I’ve changed (things I just don’t care about anymore), there are ways that I thought I would parent and don’t have the bandwidth for, and there’s been an increase in my meditation space as well as how much television I watch (I watch so much television now, but I’m strangely okay with it)?
Share your answer and read what other people have to say here.
The most obvious thing for me is screen time. We were a no-screens family (seriously—I can't even remember how or why or what for), and then the pandemic came and we had to cling to jobs without childcare, and then it was HERE KID HAVE AN IPAD, PLEASE, PLEASE, I BEG YOU TO WATCH THIS FOR 45 SWEET MINUTES.
Now we're in the "let's take them outside for 2 hours a day" space, and then I am so relaxed about the rest of the day. I've seen some of the programming, I think PBS is awesome, and I am so thankful for television during a pandemic, I can't even begin to say how much I am grateful for it. Kids, we'll lighten up on the screen time with family trips and every year will have a different balance, but this year is going to be heavily weighted in the "screen time all the time" camp.
I feel like it’s changed but my kids have also changed a lot. They were 2 and 5 when this started. One year is a long time when kids are that young! So now, at 3 and 6, they are so much closer and more bonded as brothers. They are both more independent. Even the little one will grab his own snacks.
I am more patient with myself. I have dealt with so many days when the kids needed emotional bandwidth from me that I just didn’t have. They had a real need and I really couldn’t fill it, but I did the best I could and I saw it was ok. They’re ok. So that has lessened my guilt and increased my overall confidence in myself and in their resilience.
Oy. My parenting has changed so much in the past year. I’m a more intensive style parent now because of the school issues. My then 5 yr old didn’t finish Kindergarten last year because of Covid. And then started first grade remotely and was only getting 1 hour of instruction a day, and the school said they wouldn’t be able to provide teacher feedback all year. I felt truly alone in his education, the navigate the foundations of his math, writing, and reading. So I've been all in, teacher mode. Thankfully we were able to switch schools to a school that was doing a better job with remote learning. (His previous school had prioritized hybrid learning). But still doing remote school, and all my daytime energy is on him learning/engaging/completing his task.
My husband has had the most dramatic shift in parenting. He went from being involved after school/on the weekends to teaching remotely from home, being the primary custodial caregiver, and primary home manager. It's been interesting for him to finally feel the "motherload." For years he'd say, I can't wait to you make $$$$ and I can be a stay at home dad. After experiencing the quarantine, he has changed his mind and has a new appreciation for everything I do, as well and major props to all the SAHM's out there!
I think the mom guilt is worse. I had to change my expectations of my parenting
1. Showering the kids with whatever their individual love languages are, even when I want to put them in time out and put myself in time out. Mine have struggled in unique ways to handle the pandemic. One just kicked a window and broke it during my zoom call this morning...
2. Invest in myself: we hired a helper to do school with the boys. We might be poor but we will have our sanity
3. Got my parents to move in: we might lose our sanity but the kids have more nurturing
4. Therapist: to handle everything I got on my therapists schedule... weekly. And to be the person I want to be as parent, wife etc.
5. We built a skateboard ramp in our backyard ... because why not. Kids have spent a lot of time outside and it’s been worth the money
6. Screen time: we are all getting shit loads of screens. This is not normal times and I’m telling myself that kids in the past have had a lot of screen time and been fine... and it’s hopefully going to end sooner than later!!
I think that is the gist of it.. :) I am really really tired!
I hear you on the screen time. We were a very much 10 minutes a day pre-pandemic. And now we're a "ok, it's been a long week let's just watch half of Moana." Part of it is that an 18 month-old is different than a 30 month-old.
Our old rule was that screens and phones are ok, but we don't use them as babysitters. And now, almost nightly, we'll sit our daughter in front of a facetime call with my parents while they read her a book for 15 minutes and everyone (EVERYONE) is happier because of that.
As a theme, we were much stricter a year ago. Everything was about boundaries and limits. The sleep schedule was everything and mealtimes were not to be messed with. No sugar, no eating after dinner. Now, the focus is just on making sure she feels loved and heard. That she has space to play independently and communicate what she wants and be rewarded for expressing how she feels.
I am so glad I had time to read these comments. How extraordinary you all are. I can relate to each comment. And can relate to some of the common take-aways: more patience, flexibility, therapy, and responsiveness (to self and others)
My life completely change now. I am reading , moving , breathing , loving more and paying gratitude as long as I am above the ground. The challenge which is now and at the moment is the entire habit pattern change in my daughter . More screen time now because in covid when there was a lock down it increased and now it has become her habit l. Though the schools are open now still she find time. I set a cut off time now and that’s all I am doing.
The most obvious thing for me is screen time. We were a no-screens family (seriously—I can't even remember how or why or what for), and then the pandemic came and we had to cling to jobs without childcare, and then it was HERE KID HAVE AN IPAD, PLEASE, PLEASE, I BEG YOU TO WATCH THIS FOR 45 SWEET MINUTES.
Now we're in the "let's take them outside for 2 hours a day" space, and then I am so relaxed about the rest of the day. I've seen some of the programming, I think PBS is awesome, and I am so thankful for television during a pandemic, I can't even begin to say how much I am grateful for it. Kids, we'll lighten up on the screen time with family trips and every year will have a different balance, but this year is going to be heavily weighted in the "screen time all the time" camp.
I feel like it’s changed but my kids have also changed a lot. They were 2 and 5 when this started. One year is a long time when kids are that young! So now, at 3 and 6, they are so much closer and more bonded as brothers. They are both more independent. Even the little one will grab his own snacks.
I am more patient with myself. I have dealt with so many days when the kids needed emotional bandwidth from me that I just didn’t have. They had a real need and I really couldn’t fill it, but I did the best I could and I saw it was ok. They’re ok. So that has lessened my guilt and increased my overall confidence in myself and in their resilience.
Oy. My parenting has changed so much in the past year. I’m a more intensive style parent now because of the school issues. My then 5 yr old didn’t finish Kindergarten last year because of Covid. And then started first grade remotely and was only getting 1 hour of instruction a day, and the school said they wouldn’t be able to provide teacher feedback all year. I felt truly alone in his education, the navigate the foundations of his math, writing, and reading. So I've been all in, teacher mode. Thankfully we were able to switch schools to a school that was doing a better job with remote learning. (His previous school had prioritized hybrid learning). But still doing remote school, and all my daytime energy is on him learning/engaging/completing his task.
My husband has had the most dramatic shift in parenting. He went from being involved after school/on the weekends to teaching remotely from home, being the primary custodial caregiver, and primary home manager. It's been interesting for him to finally feel the "motherload." For years he'd say, I can't wait to you make $$$$ and I can be a stay at home dad. After experiencing the quarantine, he has changed his mind and has a new appreciation for everything I do, as well and major props to all the SAHM's out there!
I think the mom guilt is worse. I had to change my expectations of my parenting
1. Showering the kids with whatever their individual love languages are, even when I want to put them in time out and put myself in time out. Mine have struggled in unique ways to handle the pandemic. One just kicked a window and broke it during my zoom call this morning...
2. Invest in myself: we hired a helper to do school with the boys. We might be poor but we will have our sanity
3. Got my parents to move in: we might lose our sanity but the kids have more nurturing
4. Therapist: to handle everything I got on my therapists schedule... weekly. And to be the person I want to be as parent, wife etc.
5. We built a skateboard ramp in our backyard ... because why not. Kids have spent a lot of time outside and it’s been worth the money
6. Screen time: we are all getting shit loads of screens. This is not normal times and I’m telling myself that kids in the past have had a lot of screen time and been fine... and it’s hopefully going to end sooner than later!!
I think that is the gist of it.. :) I am really really tired!
I hear you on the screen time. We were a very much 10 minutes a day pre-pandemic. And now we're a "ok, it's been a long week let's just watch half of Moana." Part of it is that an 18 month-old is different than a 30 month-old.
Our old rule was that screens and phones are ok, but we don't use them as babysitters. And now, almost nightly, we'll sit our daughter in front of a facetime call with my parents while they read her a book for 15 minutes and everyone (EVERYONE) is happier because of that.
As a theme, we were much stricter a year ago. Everything was about boundaries and limits. The sleep schedule was everything and mealtimes were not to be messed with. No sugar, no eating after dinner. Now, the focus is just on making sure she feels loved and heard. That she has space to play independently and communicate what she wants and be rewarded for expressing how she feels.
I am so glad I had time to read these comments. How extraordinary you all are. I can relate to each comment. And can relate to some of the common take-aways: more patience, flexibility, therapy, and responsiveness (to self and others)
My life completely change now. I am reading , moving , breathing , loving more and paying gratitude as long as I am above the ground. The challenge which is now and at the moment is the entire habit pattern change in my daughter . More screen time now because in covid when there was a lock down it increased and now it has become her habit l. Though the schools are open now still she find time. I set a cut off time now and that’s all I am doing.